10 Things No One Should Wear. Ever.

10: Mom Jeans

Nobody looks good in mom jeans.

Not even mom looks good in mom jeans.

 

The term "mom jeans" was popularized by

a 2003 "Saturday Night Live" parody

that poked fun at a certain type of jeans

worn by a certain type of woman --

someone out of touch with the latest fashions and culture.

 

You know -- the way every teen thinks of his or her parents.

Anyway, do you have a pair of mom jeans in your closet?

Here is the criteria to help you sniff them out:

• They're made of soft, easily washable denim.
• They're a generous cut, especially around the waist.
• They have a very high waistband.
• They were likely purchased at a discount store.
• They make your butt look huge.

Do you own a pair of jeans that meets these guidelines?

 

Yes?

Then we suggest you trash them

and head to the mall ASAP.

Try on as many pairs of jeans as it takes.

We promise you'll find something that looks much better.

 

9: Crocs

The Croc Effect

In 2002, the Crocs company earned a gross profit of

$1,000 in the United States.

By 2006, the company was making more than

$200 million a year worldwide.

 

Alright, alright. We heard you.

Crocs are comfortable.

There's nothing like them in the world.

They cushion your feet in a cloud of

marshmallow-y wonderfulness.

We sympathize. We understand.

And you're certainly not the only Crocs enthusiast

to wax poetic about the dreamy plastic shoes.

 

But the truth is if you're not 4 years old or Mario Batali,

we can't condone you wearing them.

At least not in public.

Sure, we give the Crocs Company props for

making a shoe that's eco-friendly and vegan,

which is all very attractive

to a green-conscious consumer.

 

And yeah, Crocs are also dishwasher safe.

But honestly, do you really want to wash your dishes

and your shoes together?

 

8: Very Low Low-rise Jeans

As long as they don't ride too low on your hips,

low-rise jeans can be quite flattering

on the right body type.

 

But before you invest in a pair of these jeans,

you should check yourself in a three-way mirror

to see how much skin and/or underwear

is showing around back.

 

If your cotton briefs, pink thong or your,

shall we say, coin slot, are in full view,

these aren't the jeans for you.

 

Also, jeans with a super-low rise tend to

create a situation known as "muffin top."

When you're wearing jeans and

your waist looks less like an hourglass and

more like a blueberry muffin,

your jeans are too low and too tight.

Just go up a size and you'll be perfect.

 

7: Matchy-matchy Ensembles

iStockphoto/Thinkstock
Don't do this.

When we say "matchy-matchy,"

we mean your outfit matches someone else's outfit (like your spouse's or your BFF's).

 

Matching outfits are cute on infant or toddler twins.

But when anyone older than 3

tries to dress like the Doublemint Twins,

it starts to get weird.

 

If you and your schmoopy are known to

wear matching holiday sweaters,

identical T-shirts at the water park,

or even complementary seersucker outfits to church,

you might want to rethink your wardrobe.

 

Be yourselves!

We already know you two are a couple --

you don't need to rub it in.

 

6: Fur

Animal-friendly Fashion

Many of today's young celebrities and

designers object to clothing or accessories

made from animal products.

 

The designer Stella McCartney offers

an entire line of vegan clothes and shoes.

And actress Natalie Portman also recently

launched her own collection of vegan shoes.

 

OK, this might be a controversial choice for this list,

but hear us out.

Everyone knows that fur isn't a popular choice

for the animal rights advocates among us.

The fur for clothing and coats is sometimes

procured in very unethical and disturbing ways.

Also, in many circles,

wearing fur is considered a no-no.

 

But even if you're not particularly interested

in animal rights,

chances are you don't live in an area

that's so cold you can only get by with a fur coat.

 

If you love the look of fur,

you can find lots of faux fur coats and trim today,

some so good no one will know whether it's real or fake.

Faux fur is also much cheaper than real.

So it's a win-win!

 

5: Anything That Requires Batteries

Yes, that's right.

There are actually items of clothing that require batteries.

We're not talking about the new-fangled camping

and survival clothing that uses batteries to generate heat.

We're talking about those holiday sweaters

and sweatshirts that light up.

 

In fact, on a popular home shopping network,

you can buy a Christmas sweater festooned

with a fiber optic light-up Christmas tree

powered by two batteries

"conveniently hidden in an inside pocket."

Does that sound like the perfect item of clothing

for an ugly holiday sweater party,

or what?

 

4: Leggings as Pants

Get Rid of Those Stirrup Pants

Do you remember the stirrup pants of the 1980s?

 

They were similar to leggings except

they had a stirrup that went under your foot,

and they weren't the easiest pants to wear.

The stirrups were uncomfortable

under the arch of your foot and

they also tended to pull down the crotch of the pants.

There's nothing wrong with leggings per se.

 

But let's get one thing straight:

Leggings are not pants.

I repeat: Not pants.

If you're wearing leggings,

we shouldn't be able to see your behind,

not when you're standing up straight and

not when you're bending over, either.

 

Leggings are meant to be worn

with a dress or long shirt to ensure

your fanny and hips are covered.

And we don't mean an oversized

college sweatshirt or T-shirt,

unless you're staying in to paint the spare bedroom.

 

To make the ensemble look nice,

wear leggings with a tunic-style shirt

or an age-appropriate dress with boots.

And to be safe, don't wear your leggings to work,

since they're not business appropriate.

 

Save them for drinks and dinner with your hubby

or with the girls!

 

3: Trucker Hats

In the early 2000s,

the trucker hats of the 1970s

made a major comeback, if an ironic one.

 

Many people credit actor Ashton Kutcher

for bringing back the trucker hat.

Um, thanks?

 

Anyway, faster than you could say "hipster,"

everyone was wearing a trucker hat.

Even famous designers like Christian Audigier

launched trucker hat lines,

with designs created by tattoo artist Ed Hardy.

 

Today, these mesh, ill-fitting caps run upwards

of $100 apiece.

One hundred bucks for a mesh hat that doesn't fit?

Not in this economy.

 

2: Short, Short, Short Jorts

John Fiordalisi/Photographer's Choice/Getty Images

No guy should wear short jeans cutoffs. Ever.

 

In case you're wondering,

"jorts" is shorthand for "jean shorts,"

and one thing's for sure,

jeans cutoffs are hot right now.

Just about every Hollywood starlet

has been photographed wearing a pair of

frayed denim shorts, ala 1989.

 

Are you thinking about cutting into a pair of old jeans?

Well, just be careful about

where you make the cut with your scissors.

Daisy Duke may have looked fantastic

in her super short denim numbers,

but who has a body like that?

If your pockets hang down below the frayed hem,

you've cut your shorts too short.

 

1: Uggs in the Summer

Ugg boots started out as anti-fashion.

After all, they have flat soles,

no shape and a rather bland design.

 

Australian pilots used to wear these boots,

made with sheepskin and shearling,

to keep their feet warm and insulated.

Some people say their name actually

comes from people calling them "ugly boots."

 

Uggs had a bit of popularity in the 1970s

with California surfers,

who liked the way the shoes kept their feet warm

after surfing in cold water.

 

But Uggs hit the big time when

Oprah Winfrey gave them away

on her TV show in the early 2000s.

While there's certainly nothing wrong

with the Ugg boot or wanting to keep your feet warm,

it's a bit strange when you see people

wearing these boots in the 90-degree heat

with a sundress or

-- oh dear -- too-short jorts.

It has to be hot inside those boots!

And nobody likes sweaty feet.

 

Put the Uggs in the closet,

get a nice pedicure

and slip into some comfy gladiator sandals.

 

Ronca, Debra. "10 Things No One Should Wear. Ever." 24 August 2010. HowStuffWorks.com. 03 September 2010.