today was heading to Sentral Bus Terminal
guess who did i met
my cousin and his gf
*
the girl in a green dress
with casual heels
the boy in white casual top
carrying black lappy bag
so vacationally casual
*
yet without losing the touch of professionalism
of course they are doctors
in two years time
*
but me?
jobless, school-less
going on a insignificant trip
in silly cap and loose T
i am not trying to be sarcastic
or envious
*
but these are real solid facts
that's why i was avoiding them
with all my might
because i was afraid
to be faced with the same questions
over and over again
*
two days ago
got ambushed by the gossipy neighbour
"so your daughter has quitted school
it is like that one, people overseas won't accept us well
so have you got your transcript from school, you must"
*
i couldn't take all these anymore
just quietly told my mom that
we were running late
mom told her
she knew what i was thinking
*
"no, but your transcript is important
to show that you have been there for 2 years
"look at my daughter
design graduate from Australia
now she is in customer service
what you study sometimes won't be
relevant to what you are doing"
*
mtf
it's all enough
great
now the whole street knows
that i am a school-dropout
how cool is that
*
who doesn't know that your daughter
3 of your children, in fact
are Australian graduates
*
i am suspecting how she came across
this piece of hot-from-oven news
must be the other day
my dad told the Otaku next door at our front yard
so the possibility is that
she got the news from the Otaku
but the second one sounds more reasonable
or she just kept her ears straight
and received the sonic wave
*
nowadays whenever i come home
or leaving home
keep myself on great alert
for all these uninvited guests
*
i am like a burglar into my own home
would it make you feel better
to ask about my uni-dropout status
would it enhance your quality of life
it won't.. in a million years
*
but it does hurt me
it hurts me terribly
so can't you all just leave me alone
*
when the decision was made
i have predicted scenarios like this
just that i am not strong enough
not well-prepared enough
it will melt me in tears immediately
*so is the case with my cousin over here
i don't wanna ruin my vacation
i don't wanna make a fool of myself
in front of them
*
what a lovely couple
with promising futures
the feeling is like meeting an ex
who is doing far better than you
although that's not our relationship
but obviously the bitterness, awkwardness
are just so similar
*
especially always being mocked by his mom
over my academic performance
and over my empty love life
"so when we gonna meet your bf"
"so we will have a lawyer at home soon"
*
no no no
it won't do
we were in the same class for 3 years
during primary school
*
all the way till secondary school
i always outperformed him
although we are not really officially competing
but others among the family
do compare, don't they
*
till A-levels, we were on tie
4 As each
everyone knows he is making his way
to becoming a doctor
and me, struggling hard at that bloody uni
*now the situation is even worse
before that it was heaven vs earth
now it is heaven vs hell
*
that's no way out
i hate to see peoples nowadays
it led me to become a more anti-socialist
*
even my own sister and brother-in-law
i feel that there is animosity
since the day i was slapped by her
and my phone was beyond recovery
our relationship is never the same again
*
my brother-in-law?
the incident just confirmed his unfavourable
impression towards me
nothing much
good-for-nothing squander
*
i started to regret
why am i flying to Bangkok
after CNY next year
i should fly on CNY
*
who cares about the angpow
who cares about showy clothes
who will be there to wipe my tears
just in case i am under the attack
*
face the reality Steph
find somewhere to fly to
or even it is a long us ride
i don’t care
*
there wouldn't be anyone
really sympathise over your plight
there will never be any
just out of excessive curiosity
just to have another sad case to gossip about
*
i need someone
to tell me what to do now
stop gossiping about me
if you don’t have the solution
otherwise why don't you just kill me
*