been in doubt and anxiety
especially
after the long-sickness
about myself,
about life & death
about relationships with people around
not exactly emo
stop using that term on me
but constantly feeling restless
munching unstoppably
having long dreams
not exactly nightmares
but
waking up from a night with long dream
is an exhausted game to play
especially for nerds like me
who will spend some time
cracking my head
recalling and interpreting dreams
potential source of anxiety
#1 CNY is around the corner.. which is something way too boisterous for me, and I am way too old to look forward to CNY goodies
#2 I have not been stepping out of my home for 20 days already, except for the necessary routine
#3 my short-term planning ahead still looks rather bleak, don’t ask me what I gonna do in 3 months time, hopefully I am in school
#4 grandpa is not in very good health recently, and he is always lamenting about passing away, as I listen on helplessly
#5 the aura of the book 《1Q84》 I am currently reading is slowing creeping over me
#6 so is the Juno’s album, which is basically about emptiness, life circle etc.. it’s almost like falling into a black hole
《1Q84》
specifically discusses
the difference between
insanity and being lunatic
I think I belong to the latter
as Rob Thomas sang
“I am not crazy
just a little unwell”
but of course
on the brighter side
there are potential sources of excitement
I am getting my new camera soon
and the Borneo trip in pipeline
being brought up again
yet none failed to
lift up my spirit
in fact
I have officially
turned down the trip invitation
despite the cheap flight and free accommodation
and with people I enjoy hanging around with
yet I firmly clicked the
“Not Attending” button
maybe because
superstitiously
stupidly enough
I thinking it is not a right thing
to book many vacations in a row
I may not even
live that long to
enjoy them
I don’t believe someone like me
deserve to be lucky and happy
all the time
maybe I can’t explain it well enough
in simpler word
it is just like Karma
you play too much
you are not doing anything good
sooner or later
you gonna land yourself in trouble one day
no way
I am not religious all this long
but Karma is something I
hold strongly to
feel blessed
demand no more
the pains no longer pain me
do you hear me
my boy
I demand no more
Lucky I’m in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
Lucky we’re in love in every way
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed
Lucky to be coming home someday
Lucky / Jason Mraz feat. Colbie Caillat
| Lucky / Jason Mraz feat. Colbie Caillat Do you hear me? Boy I hear you in my dreams Lucky I’m in love with my best friend Oh............. Lucky I’m in love with my best friend Oh.............. |