No Longer Pain X Balancing My Gain: Just Lucky to Be Home Again

been in doubt and anxiety

especially

after the long-sickness

 

about myself,

about life & death

about relationships with people around

 

not exactly emo

stop using that term on me

 

but constantly feeling restless

munching unstoppably

having long dreams

not exactly nightmares

 

but

waking up from a night with long dream

is  an exhausted game to play

especially for nerds like me

who will spend some time

cracking my head

recalling and interpreting dreams

 

potential source of anxiety

#1 CNY is around the corner.. which is something way too boisterous for me, and I am way too old to look forward to CNY goodies

#2 I have not been stepping out of my home for 20 days already, except for the necessary routine

#3 my short-term planning ahead still looks rather bleak, don’t ask me what I gonna do in 3 months time, hopefully I am in school

#4 grandpa is not in very good health recently, and he is always lamenting about passing away, as I listen on helplessly

#5 the aura of the book 《1Q84》 I am currently reading is slowing creeping over me

#6 so is the Juno’s album, which is basically about emptiness, life circle etc.. it’s almost like falling into a black hole

 

《1Q84》

specifically discusses

the difference between

insanity and being lunatic

I think I belong to the latter

as Rob Thomas sang

“I am not crazy

just a little unwell”

 

but of course

on the brighter side

there are potential sources of excitement

I am getting my new camera soon

 

and the Borneo trip in pipeline

being brought up again

yet none failed to

lift up my spirit

 

in fact

I have officially

turned down the trip invitation

despite the cheap flight and free accommodation

and with people I enjoy hanging around with

yet I firmly clicked the

“Not Attending” button

 

maybe because

superstitiously

stupidly enough

I thinking it is not a right thing

to book many vacations in a row

 

I may not even

live that long to

enjoy them

 

I don’t believe someone like me

deserve to be lucky and happy

all the time

 

maybe I can’t explain it well enough

in simpler word

it is just like Karma

you play too much

you are not doing anything good

sooner or later

you gonna land yourself in trouble one day

 

no way

I am not religious all this long

but Karma is something I

hold strongly to

 

feel blessed

demand no more

 

the pains no longer pain me

 

do you hear me

my boy

I demand no more

 

Lucky I’m in love with my best friend

Lucky to have been where I have been

Lucky to be coming home again

Lucky we’re in love in every way

Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed

Lucky to be coming home someday

 

Lucky / Jason Mraz feat. Colbie Caillat

 

Lucky / Jason Mraz feat. Colbie Caillat Do you hear me? I’m talking to you Across the water Across the deep blue ocean Under the open sky Oh my and baby I’m trying Boy I hear you in my dreams I feel you whisper across the sea I keep you with me in my heart You make it easier when life gets hard Lucky I’m in love with my best friend Lucky to have been where I have been Lucky to be coming home again Oh............. They don’t know how long it takes Waiting for a love like this Every time we say goodbye I wish we had one more kiss I'll wait for you , I promise you I will Lucky I’m in love with my best friend Lucky to have been where I have been Lucky to be coming home again Lucky we’re in love in every way Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed Lucky to be coming home someday Oh.............. And so I am sailing through the sea To an island where we’ll meet You’ll hear the music fill the air I’ll put a flower in your hair Though the breezes through the trees Move so pretty , you’re all I see As the world keeps spinning round You hold me right here right now