BY JENNIFER KASS
MARCH 14, 2014 4:00 AM EDT
via Mind Body Green
I spent the first couple decades of my life
trapped in emotional patterns that were
destructive to my health, happiness, and relationships.
Anger was my drug of choice, and I was addicted.
I was so sensitive to the way
the world was operating,
with so much unnecessary pain and suffering
taking place and a paradigm in which
everything seemed upside down:
work really hard in a job you can't stand
so you can retire and do nothing but
lie on a beach;
eat junk so you can go to the doctor and
take a pill to get fixed;
be selfish, skeptical and snarky to fit in,
as opposed to being
kind, sensitive and compassionate.
Nothing made sense,
but I wasn't fully conscious of
what was so upsetting to me and
I lashed out in dysfunctional ways.
The passion within me was blocked and
expressed inappropriately through anger.
Being highly sensitive doesn't mean
we also have to be highly emotional or
filled with anxiety.
These were reactions to a planet that
doesn't always support humanity's
well-being and happiness,
but when I became ready and willing,
I began to overcome the real obstacle
I was faced with:
Fully identifying with my
negative thoughts and emotions,
giving them all my power by
believing them to be real.
When I began learning through
the spiritual truths that
only love is real and that
we must unlearn fear —
that we are not our thoughts, emotions,
our body, bank account, relationship status and
all the other external aspects of life —
I started to get a grip on reality.
My emotional patterns were rooted in fear and
caused me great pain and
the experience of always
feeling "hurt" by someone else.
Where there's fear,
there's anger, sadness, hurt, pain, suffering.
But when we begin to take responsibility for
how we feel, rather than blaming others or
the harsh world in which we live,
we can recognize that
the fear isn't real and
the illusion is something that's
meant for us to overcome;
we begin to awaken to a new way of
seeing things and
we transform our lives
from the inside out.
Spirituality is shifting from fear to love.
As we change, we change the world.
The spiritually mature individual will
need to be vulnerable.
When I began to make the shift from
fear to love
(this was a conscious moment-to-moment choice I made)
my anxiety and emotional patterns
healed and dissolved, and
I was able to step into a space of true vulnerability,
which wasn't emotional or painful —
quite the opposite.
I've learned that my greatest power lies
in my vulnerability.
Because it's when I'm standing vulnerable and
completely open that
I am in my truth.
I am in a space of love and
not in a space of fear;
it's only in this space that
I can be truly seen and therefore
connect in a meaningful way with others.
It is in our vulnerability that
we have the power to effect more positive change,
because as we empower ourselves
we empower others.
It's one of the paradoxes of life:
When we have no walls, nothing can hurt us.
There's a misconception that
being vulnerable causes pain,
but it's in our vulnerability that
we are safe and powerful beyond measure.
When we stand in a space of love,
we are self-approved, self-accepted, and
nothing can harm us.
We see through the fear-based illusions of
not feeling worthy or good enough.
It's only when we close our hearts and
put up protective barriers that
we are at the mercy of everyone and
everything around us —
from this place we become victims of
our circumstances and
give away our power by
letting external things and
other people control how we feel.
When we begin to understand that
it's our perception of
what's happening around us that
can hurt us or free us rather than
the actual external circumstance,
we are never victims of
someone else's thoughts, opinions,
actions or judgments.
From this place of clarity
we can either walk away from
a toxic situation,
step up for ourselves or
see through our ego's illusions of
feeling like a victim.
It's this high sensitivity to
feelings, emotions and our external environment
that is what shakes us awake more quickly,
if we become willing.
Today,
I am deeply grateful and humbled by
the experience my soul chose in
this lifetime, because
I started taking responsibility for
my own happiness.
A couple months ago,
I was at dinner with a new friend
who is a well-known
meditation teacher and Ayruvedic master.
He asked for my hand and
began to take my pulse
— a form of diagnosis — and
he looked at me and said,
"You have no anger in you."
I beamed and nodded,
telling him that
it's one of the miracles
I've experienced on my spiritual path.
He responded, "
Don't ever lose your fierceness, though."
Oh, I won't.