2011.07.07 Thursday
came back from KL
given up hope on my project
reached home around 1pm
I was just so glad to be home again
to hear that grandpa has been hospitalized yesterday
mom and dad
took their turns to go
but I didn’t get to
till dinner time
he had been sent back to his home
everyone knows that
there’s nothing much to be done about it
mom started calling everyone
telling them that
“father has been transferred back home
do not rush to the hospital anymore
and please be prepared”
less than 15 minutes
she got another call
“father has already passed away”
where’s dad
he went for his haircut
10 steps away from grandpa’s house
where’s everyone else
nope
there’s nobody else
except my youngest uncle
who witnessed his last moment
once touched down on his own bed
he chose to leave quietly
still under perfect consciousness
mom kept blaming herself
should have listened to him
since he kept asking to go home
in the afternoon
should not have sent him to the hospital
should have got there on time
but it just happened
he chose the moment and place
to be liberalized
nothing and nobody
should be blamed for it
soon everyone came and went
including the policemen
to certify the death
I was quite proud that
I stayed up and chanted
all the way till 5 am
it is because not much people are doing it
a big family, yes
only 3 adhere to Buddhism
my dad and two other youngest aunts
I surprised myself
for chanting the loudest sometimes
not being embarrassed by my
such childish voice
and sometimes
chanting at such a high note
as if it is a happy tune
sometimes going too fast
being not a very pious Buddhist
all this while
I managed to stick through
with the adults
there are only 3 grandchildren who
stayed actually
and me being the only one
carrying his G surname
probably
it is to support my dad
since he was the one leading
if his own daughter is not going to do it
it is difficult to convince others, doesn’t it
I will do my best
to support him throughout
and probably
that’s the last thing
I can do for grandpa
not being around most of the time
since he was sick
being back at home
but not being able to see him
for the very last time
I seriously feel guilty about it
really
and Buddhists do believe that
the first 8 hours after death
is the critical period
where the soul
if you believe in one
gonna be taken to
the specific path he is going
therefore
by chanting for the whole 8 hours
under the name of Amitabha
we shall give him extra support
to go to a good path
Day II
2011.07.08
6:52 am
I kept expecting grandpa
to walk out of the room
in his usual pajama suits
no he never will again
Day II
2011.07.08
8:23 am
finally the undertaker is here
transferring the body
to the shops he once owned
to embark on the very last journey
somehow tears got uncontrollable again
a body was what we saw
grandpa has already landed safely
somewhere else
never to return again
6 days down the road
setting up a proper farewell
Bon Voyage, Grandpa
I shall take the 6 days
to know my own clan better
to act as an independent entity
to help out to lighten my parent’s task
to learn all I have to about funeral rituals
and to do my best
to record down the journey