Underneath My Skin

a lazy morning don't feel like doing anything

time for some reflections

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in the morning, Jessie @ 903

discussed how true we are to ourselves

try to wrap up what i have absorbed

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---90 percent of people out there

do not enjoy what they are doing now

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we are not always true to ourselves

our actions are always influenced by

- parents

- money

- time constraint

- social stigma and norm

- people around you

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we wear a mask around

wearing the mask, I lose myself

removing the mask, I lose you

(quote from  a book)

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what do you want to achieve in life?

earn loads money

hence, we become the slaves of money

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back to myself

hanging around here

I am not even doing what I like

I don’t quite like Econs

at this point of time

especially statistics

but I don’t have a choice now

*

still happily surfing college websites

looking for LLB programs offered

ok, 7 years down the road

I shall give myself a second alternative

*

but maybe i have already

wasted my youth away

doing things I don’t really like

and struggle along the way

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I don’t know how

changing major is an option

but what to major in?

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can easily choose another major

but once again

- how is the job prospect

- how would it worry your parents

- how would the others view you

- how much time can you afford to waste

- how much money you are throwing away

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here is a tentative plan

- I work hard to finish off my 3 years + here

- get a job to pay off my loan and serve my bond

- then save enough money to do a LLB degree

- go UK to finish off this degree

- I wanna go back home

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but time is the factor

by the time i finish step 2

i am most probably 27 to 28 already

provided that i can clear the 50k loan

provided that i can find a job

so the possibility of carrying out this plan

is almost nil 

False hope = No hope

what would I want to entertain myself

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underneath my skin 

there is my heart

i can heart it is beating

but it doesn’t have its own rhyme anymore

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it is just surviving

for the sake of surviving

I am doing things

for the sake of doing

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