Thursday, July 11, 2013

Sigh X Forced to Comply: Good Good Night

last night

after I got texts from my dad to go to bed,

(sometimes he will even call)

the last text I sent out on FB was on 1:42 am

immediately off everything


entered bedroom tiptoeing

and got a hell of a scolding


as if it is a federal crime

and dragged on to issues like

living like a drug addict, self-ruining,

wasting past efforts on works

blah blah blah


I did not defend myself against

these “”alleged crimes”

not at all

it would be quite futile to explain


I doubt my dad will ever believe

I was finishing a novel on the Jew community until one

and went on to blog a quick post

at the same time listening to radio

while talking to a friend of two

not forgetting harvesting my flowers and plants

that’s all… that’s ALL 


not as alleged

having a secret boyfriend I was all obsessed about

well I wish I really do

so that I could jump off the bandwagon of being

SAD sad, available and desperate 


this scenario has been recurring every summer

when I am back home for a longer duration

How many more summer breaks do I have as a student?


a couple of years ago

because of this

I got a smashed phone, totally K.O.

and a hot slap on the face

because I walked quietly to a corner,

toying with my phone

while facing these accusations

grinning, because I did not know

how to response, for real


after everyone has gone to bed

is the only quiet time I have for myself

which I pretty much treasure


how to you expect me to read

while babysitting an one year old baby

who bumps his head around

and some other house chores too


how ironic

during term time

I wish I will be doing this and that during break

enjoying the

and during vacation

I wish I am back in the tiny dorm

at least which I have control over my precious time


all I beg for is some quiet little time of my own

that’s all

I begin to think of the bigger picture

let’s say, maybe I will never ever

settle permanently back at this house


the truth is

I am sharing room with my parents

do not exactly own a permanent room of mine

that’s the reason why even my bed-time is

under tight surveillance

not to mention the rest

such as

curfew, friends inspection, clothes regulation….


well I feel humiliated

so ashamed of myself

why should my parents underestimate

my ability to take good care of myself


10:06 p.m.

good night

time to go to bed



declared a cold war on my dad today



I am browsing some dating website while

everyone is asleep

flirting with any possible guy I could grab

and soon I will get cheated and came crying to him

swear that I will not trust anyone over the web again

haha!!  How cool is that.. 

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