Apr X 20th: 3-Months into Reclusion

just to make myself better

for being an absolute social recluse

 

for the past three months

 

I go out, at times,

with nobody else

except my intimate families

 

have not stepped foot onto any other houses

except my own

with the exception of my sister’s

and the tomb of my grandparents

 

have not talked to anyone on the phone

except it’s totally urgent or necessary

eg: helping my mom to pick up her phone

 

but at times

I will just let calls to be gone

well… I didn’t walk fast enough

there goes a missed call

 

have not been active on Whatsapp

for at least 20+ days I guess

because it’s clearing my chat history

or optimizes it, whatever

and asking me to clear photos for

storage space

 

what makes you think

I’ll be bothered to do it

one day I shall clear it

when I am ready to go on

another trip

 

what they say it’s true

I longer crave for

getaway, wanderlust, escapism… etc

because I no longer have anything to

run away from

 

I am quite happy with

watching some short documentaries by CCTV

100 episodes of 6-minute clips on Forbidden City

known as《故宮 100》

and tonnes of National Treasure Files 《國寶檔案》

and be quite contented with it

 

go YouTube for them and

I regret for not doing enough homework

before visiting the Forbidden City as

everything looks all the same to me

 

no worries, Beijing

I will be back, I promise

 

I have never felt that truthful to myself before

I have never appreciate thing as much before

I have never worked that hard before

 

as much as I want to be

leading a normal life

like everyone out there

I am too comfortable with

being with myself 

 

therefore officially declare that

the three-months probation period is over

I am not going back to the crowd