just to make myself better
for being an absolute social recluse
for the past three months
I go out, at times,
with nobody else
except my intimate families
have not stepped foot onto any other houses
except my own
with the exception of my sister’s
and the tomb of my grandparents
have not talked to anyone on the phone
except it’s totally urgent or necessary
eg: helping my mom to pick up her phone
but at times
I will just let calls to be gone
well… I didn’t walk fast enough
there goes a missed call
have not been active on Whatsapp
for at least 20+ days I guess
because it’s clearing my chat history
or optimizes it, whatever
and asking me to clear photos for
storage space
what makes you think
I’ll be bothered to do it
one day I shall clear it
when I am ready to go on
another trip
what they say it’s true
I longer crave for
getaway, wanderlust, escapism… etc
because I no longer have anything to
run away from
I am quite happy with
watching some short documentaries by CCTV
100 episodes of 6-minute clips on Forbidden City
known as《故宮 100》
and tonnes of National Treasure Files 《國寶檔案》
and be quite contented with it
go YouTube for them and
I regret for not doing enough homework
before visiting the Forbidden City as
everything looks all the same to me
no worries, Beijing
I will be back, I promise
I have never felt that truthful to myself before
I have never appreciate thing as much before
I have never worked that hard before
as much as I want to be
leading a normal life
like everyone out there
I am too comfortable with
being with myself
therefore officially declare that
the three-months probation period is over
I am not going back to the crowd