last night
after I got texts from my dad to go to bed,
(sometimes he will even call)
the last text I sent out on FB was on 1:42 am
immediately off everything
entered bedroom tiptoeing
and got a hell of a scolding
as if it is a federal crime
and dragged on to issues like
living like a drug addict, self-ruining,
wasting past efforts on works
blah blah blah
I did not defend myself against
these “”alleged crimes”
not at all
it would be quite futile to explain
I doubt my dad will ever believe
I was finishing a novel on the Jew community until one
and went on to blog a quick post
at the same time listening to radio
while talking to a friend of two
not forgetting harvesting my flowers and plants
that’s all… that’s ALL
not as alleged
having a secret boyfriend I was all obsessed about
well I wish I really do
so that I could jump off the bandwagon of being
SAD sad, available and desperate
this scenario has been recurring every summer
when I am back home for a longer duration
How many more summer breaks do I have as a student?
a couple of years ago
because of this
I got a smashed phone, totally K.O.
and a hot slap on the face
because I walked quietly to a corner,
toying with my phone
while facing these accusations
grinning, because I did not know
how to response, for real
after everyone has gone to bed
is the only quiet time I have for myself
which I pretty much treasure
how to you expect me to read
while babysitting an one year old baby
who bumps his head around
and some other house chores too
how ironic
during term time
I wish I will be doing this and that during break
enjoying the
and during vacation
I wish I am back in the tiny dorm
at least which I have control over my precious time
all I beg for is some quiet little time of my own
that’s all
I begin to think of the bigger picture
let’s say, maybe I will never ever
settle permanently back at this house
the truth is
I am sharing room with my parents
do not exactly own a permanent room of mine
that’s the reason why even my bed-time is
under tight surveillance
not to mention the rest
such as
curfew, friends inspection, clothes regulation….
well I feel humiliated
so ashamed of myself
why should my parents underestimate
my ability to take good care of myself
10:06 p.m.
good night
time to go to bed
declared a cold war on my dad today
yes!!
I am browsing some dating website while
everyone is asleep
flirting with any possible guy I could grab
and soon I will get cheated and came crying to him
swear that I will not trust anyone over the web again
haha!! How cool is that..