Monday, May 9, 2011

No Reason X Just Passion: Boy Obsession

Obsession:

the domination of one's thoughts or feelings

by a persistent idea, image, desire, etc.

 

Eg:

stalking a particular person online

and at the same time

stalking another in the reality

 

this dude I stalked online

he followed me on Weibo (The Mandarin Twitter)

because we have both been following Shawn Yue

 

then two weeks ago

out of boredom in office

I clicked on his profile

wow.. he has got style

exactly the Shawn’s style

so we started chatting

 

and this particular shirt

which Shawn has been wearing

UE star shirtdenim

 

he bought the shirt for USD 420

and not only one

he bought all 3

baby blue, chambray and white

 

he plays

car, camera, shoes

he looks kinda cute

he has got the West vs East balance

I am impressed

 

so I have been clicking on his Facebook

more frequent than any ordinary friend would do

obviously he is in a relationship

although the partner named is not specified

obviously there are photos

always with the same particular girl

so hands off

just lay your hands off

 

what’s my problem

can’t I just see

this is like something impossible

 

stop stalking a Canadian rich kid

who is in a relationship

stop flirting

because it is just a waste of time

…………………………………………………………………………………………

back to real life

I am not afraid to admit

I have told the close friends that

he is cute

since very very long ago

 

now that everyone knows about it

the moment he walked past

everyone would have done something stupid like

nudging me, smiling at me etc

omg.. stop making it so obvious

 

he wears that kind of clothes I like

his smile is always so bright

he is indeed charming

 

and till last week

I found his Facebook profile

but I just do not have the courage to add him

 

what’s wrong with me

it’s just adding a new friend

but I am too afraid that

after being friends

I may just do something crazy like

PM him a love letter

 

or maybe the bigger reason is

I just end up browsing his full profile

oh damn it

he is already in a relationship

 

that doesn’t really hurt

since he is not my anybody

but in fact it actually does

 

I just hope that

the dark aura would just stop following me

having a crush or dating boy who is already taken

 

I am a bitch, somehow

but not up to the point of

stealing, sharing boyfriend with some other girls

that’s something I would never do

 

he is just cute

we talked twice

despite being in the same classes

four times each week

 

once on a event

he was teasing me

when I looked very hap hazard

tidying up my forever heavy bag

and he accidentally saw something

“oh, lunch box!!!”

so cute of him

 

the second

he was wearing this baby blue shirt

I wish the mutual friend is there

so that we had a better link to talk

 

he was dozing off I think

so was I

the academic talk was way too boring

 

this one looks slightly more hopeful

than the previous one

at least we are near

but..

not so near too

because he is a Malay boy

 

that’s nothing wrong with him

being a Malay boy

but maybe

to people around me

especially my parents and all

it really does make a lot of difference

 

obviously

I am crazy

probably because I can’t stand my love pond drying up

I am desperate

 

obviously

I fall for boys

just for the ways they dress up

not really

there are other baby blues around

a lot more in fact

but I don’t find them attractive

 

eg, this Korean dude

he has been wearing this shirt

for two consecutive days

but somehow

I think he ruins the baby blue

the Korean boy in baby blue

 

and this lazy bump

who appears once in a “blue” moon

undeniably

he looks gorgeous, somehow

but he is definitely not somebody

I will openly stalk

another baby blue in class

 

back to the case

then why would I find him so attractive

the way he dresses up is just

one of the contributor

he is cute

he is charming

basically I think I like him

it is that simple

 

what a coincidence

the first time we talked

is this movie screening thingy

where a malay girl and a chinese boy

fell in love

quite a controversial movie

dealing with religions and identity

The movie screening event

 

what am I supposed to do now

I seriously do not know

 

FML

finding my lover