a lazy morning don't feel like doing anything
time for some reflections
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in the morning, Jessie @ 903
discussed how true we are to ourselves
try to wrap up what i have absorbed
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---90 percent of people out there
do not enjoy what they are doing now
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we are not always true to ourselves
our actions are always influenced by
- parents
- money
- time constraint
- social stigma and norm
- people around you
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we wear a mask around
wearing the mask, I lose myself
removing the mask, I lose you
(quote from a book)
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what do you want to achieve in life?
earn loads money
hence, we become the slaves of money
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back to myself
hanging around here
I am not even doing what I like
I don’t quite like Econs
at this point of time
especially statistics
but I don’t have a choice now
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still happily surfing college websites
looking for LLB programs offered
ok, 7 years down the road
I shall give myself a second alternative
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but maybe i have already
wasted my youth away
doing things I don’t really like
and struggle along the way
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I don’t know how
changing major is an option
but what to major in?
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can easily choose another major
but once again
- how is the job prospect
- how would it worry your parents
- how would the others view you
- how much time can you afford to waste
- how much money you are throwing away
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here is a tentative plan
- I work hard to finish off my 3 years + here
- get a job to pay off my loan and serve my bond
- then save enough money to do a LLB degree
- go UK to finish off this degree
- I wanna go back home
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but time is the factor
by the time i finish step 2
i am most probably 27 to 28 already
provided that i can clear the 50k loan
provided that i can find a job
so the possibility of carrying out this plan
is almost nil
False hope = No hope
what would I want to entertain myself
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underneath my skin
there is my heart
i can heart it is beating
but it doesn’t have its own rhyme anymore
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it is just surviving
for the sake of surviving
I am doing things
for the sake of doing
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