I found myself quite incompatible with
Chinese boys, at least
those I bumped into and
I wondered why
Then I realize that
it's the different parts of
Chinese-ness that don't match each other
just like jigsaw puzzles that don't fit in
The typical Chinese boys who are
quite Chinese per say
they look Chinese,
they speak Chinese languages
they eat Chinese food
unfortunately,
neither of the above are
my kind of things
I neither look Chinese
not very 100% and
easily mistaken for all sorts
I don't blame them
neither do I feel offended
I take pride in myself
especially my tanned skin
I don't speak Chinese languages
on a daily basis
probably due to my environment
only occasionally with
intimate long-known contacts
on a private sphere
Or when i am traveling
in these Chinese cities
then I will be conversing in
perfectly accent-free clean Mandarin
whereby they can't even guess
where am I from
I don't really eat Chinese food
to me, it's like
one of those international cuisines
it's fine to eat it once in awhile
but I will soon get sick if
I am made to eat
rice and dishes every single day
in addition,
I don’t even celebration Chinese occasions
not even Lunar New Year
I found it boring, even
Yet some part of me
(mostly the none physical sides) are
really really deep-rooted to Chinese that
those Chinese boys found me
a little extreme and difficult
it may even ignite fights
Eg: I am pretty much into
exploring the mainland cultures,
its cities and people
therefore traveling around China is
something I am keen on
yet
there are quite some Chinese boys
who downright reject exploring China
they are saying there’s one country
they would never step their foot onto
the mainlanders are someone they dislike
Wtf!
you have not seen how beautiful it is
and downright rejection is just
wrong wrong wrong
and you actually claim yourself to be
a Chinese while refusing to explore
the root of all Chinese cultures
of course I wouldn’t say it out loud
right in their faces but
I look down on their ignorance with
contempt and pity
and yet they are watching
the mainland singing reality show ya
oh yeah…
therefore I would
rather date someone who is
non-Chinese but respect the
culture and belief of
the Chinese and China as a whole
without having the need to
practice it for real
this identity confusion thing
has been my great struggle recently
I am not really into this Chinese identity
yet there’s this segment which
I am vehemently passionate about
somehow totally incompatible with
the so-called typical Chinese boys around
therefore… forget it
for real